New School Year New Nerves

by: Sara Breda

It’s a new school year and with that comes an abundance of emotions. Every child is going to experience the beginning of the year with their own unique mixture of emotions. As a caretaker, it can be hard to watch your child go off into the world without us, even if they are excited. It’s even harder when you leave them behind in tears or with their tummy hurting with nerves. While the ultimate goal is for them to hop out smiling, for some kids that might take a while. The first and most important step in helping them is to simply give them time to adjust. Just like for adults, change can be scary and overwhelming, and it takes some time to settle in and feel safe and comfortable. Affirming their nerves and validating how they are feeling is important. “It’s okay to be scared/nervous/worried.I feel the same way when I am starting something new too!” It’s easy to rush into problem solving and fix it mode, but they need to be able to process their feelings and also know that it’s okay to feel that way. Reminding them that they are safe and loved and that you will return at the end of the day is important too. Don’t try to extend the goodbye. It is heartbreaking when they are clinging on to you and crying, but extending the goodbye tends to extend the strong emotions. Allowing them to stay home can also have a negative outcome in the long run, as it teaches them to avoid the fear itself, and doesn’t allow for the opportunity for them to learn how to cope with new and challenging circumstances. Talking the night before about what drop off will look like for the next day can help normalize the process along with talking them through their entire day. This will allow them to picture what to expect and they will then start to become more comfortable with the process itself. For younger children, creating a “picture book” can help them with visuals of their daily schedule and what to expect during the day from drop off to pick up. For some kids, having a tangible item with them helps them to feel more connected to you throughout the day, and reminds them that even if you are not there with them physically, your love is always with them. A few examples of this are bracelets that you can both wear, and small items they can keep in their desk, a picture of your family in their school box, or a heart drawn on their hand and sealed with a kiss. Let the teacher know about this special object as well, so they can remind them that when they miss you to hold on tight to the item. A couple of great book recommendations to help introduce an item like this are:  The Invisible String by Patrice Karst and The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn.  On the way to school practice some simple breathing exercises or kid friendly meditations to help teach them how to calm down and regulate their nervous system.  Remind them that this is something they can do at school as well.  If the problem persists, reach out to the school counselor for some assistance and openly communicate with the teacher to see what suggestions that they might have from their perspective.  Just remember that every single person is different and takes more or less time to adjust to new situations.